Beneath the Surface-Part I.

My friend Ginny recently left an interesting comment on one of my posts where I talked about sharing on social media. Her comment mentioned the theory that depression or low self-esteem can be linked to social media in some people, because a lot of what is shared online is only what we want people to see about ourselves….our good side.
Hmm…Guilty! I personally don’t allow myself to be tagged in photos. Why? Because it only took a couple of photos to surface, where I looked like I was a 12 pack deep and showcased my face at 40x zoom, that I decided I’d rather not have those floating around. I don’t want people to see me at my worst. I want them to see me in the best possible light.
It’s almost as if we treat our social media accounts like they’re the celebrity magazine versions of ourselves. It’s not really 100% who we are. It’s who we are, or aren’t, when we know we have an audience. It’s not a bad thing to want to appear to have the fun and perfectly pulled together life at all times, it’s just not always the reality for most of us.
While I believe there are many aspects to the psychology of social media, this particular theory speaks largely to the “appearances” side of things. It’s not hard to believe that feelings of inadequacy and insecurity could arise from an environment where you’re constantly comparing the real you to the best public version of someone else. We just have to keep in mind that what is being shared is more often than not, being filtered. We’re all human and are flawed in one way or another. It’s just not being showcased as heavily.
Because I hand pick and share only photos of myself where I feel I look particularly stunning and am SO guilty of contributing to this problem of superficiality, I decided to start doing a new blog installment that I am calling Beneath the Surface. My intention is to share something about myself that goes beyond the surface banter of social media and that is not all sunshine and roses. I want to highlight something relatable that shows vulnerability and doesn’t insight the “my life is better than your life” competitiveness side of social media.

So, here’s a little something to kick things off. My plan is to get deeper with these, but let’s start small.

I HATE that I was a tanning junky in late 90’s and early 2000s. I thought I looked so much better with a tan and just couldn’t get enough of it. I was in the sun whenever I could be and if it wasn’t sunny outside, I went to the tanning bed. Looking back, I realize that I didn’t look better with a tan. I looked like an orange jackass. Truth.
I haven’t tanned myself in years or even went out in the sun without wearing SPF 70, but I went to the dermatologist a year or so ago because I got completely freaked out about the possibility of having skin cancer. I didn’t have any abnormal moles thank god, but while I was there, I made an appointment for the free skin evaluation that they offer. They did an xray of sorts on my face and it turns out that I have quite a bit of sun damage (obviously). The truth is, I don’t like the pictures that are 40x zoom on my face because I am so self conscious about any signs of pre-mature aging. I don’t want anyone who knew me back when I was a tanning fanatic to be vindicated and say, “I KNEW she was going to pay for that bronzed skin one day!” Of course, I know it is perfectly normal for a woman who is about to be 34 to have some wrinkles, but it’s harder for me to swallow when I know I ignorantly added to the damage myself.
For me, the moral of the story has been to respect and take care of my body and to realize that there are consequences down the road, even if they’re so far off that I can’t see them. Honestly, I’m not sure if anyone besides the cast of Jersey Shore tans anymore, but if you do, please take the time to consider the impact. “down the road” comes along a lot faster than you think.

Feel free to tell me you told me so in the comments section. : )